A New Beginning

Today I begin. I acknowledge that I haven’t experienced this day before, and it is new. I have said goodbye to my former occupation, to last year, to yesterday, to this morning… to 5 minutes ago. They are gone, never to be lived again. That part of me that felt whatever I felt back then, a moment ago, is no longer alive. I welcome the newness, the unknown.

In touch. In the quiet, I sense your discomfort at thinking about a difficult experience, or as you face the progression of a disease or of aging. I didn’t think the discomfort, the body became aware of it… became aware of something new, that wasn’t there when I was alone. Suddenly, it sensed what you were feeling… there was no knowing until we came in contact with each other. And, from experience, there is understanding that it will diminish or stop once we separate. Now, in the quiet, it is possible to become aware of your feelings and sensations. If I am distracted, it is impossible, but with attention, my heart warms. If you are quiet, perhaps you will sense it too… we are connected.

The breath quickens and there is the sense that there is anxiety in you and your breath has responded to it. Fingertips or shoulders heat up… and there is a sense of released pent up energy. Words tumble out of you more quickly… and there is tension in my chest. I work to remain calm, centered… slowly your breathing calms, you speak more slowly, and the tension releases. We are resonating. It is what we were made to do together.

Whatever I was thinking about before I entered your room, is gone. That part of me died. Now we are both changed. I wonder, isn’t end of life a bit like this? Moving along, letting go, living now.

I am in transition, each day. Every new person I meet contains a biography of a complete life until this moment. You are not the papery-skinned old person I see in front of me; you are a young child, a recent graduate, matron of the areas of your life where you found satisfaction, a recent retiree, a person facing the last phase of your life. You are more than some frail representation of a former person. As we talk, your life story reveals itself to me. It makes us whole, a part of something much larger than I thought. Isn’t that the way of it?