Trauma
I am interested in how we are affected by overwhelming, traumatic experiences of various kinds. I am also interested in how I may assist a person who wishes to explore how to live more in the moment, learning from their own experiences.
When I was young, I asked my mother what my birth was like, easy or hard. She said she didn’t know, she was asleep during it. A few years ago, I investigated this and found that at the time I was born, it was common practice for doctors to give laboring mothers anesthesia. It made it ‘easier’ for them. But, it goes without saying, that if she was asleep, so was I. It is bewildering to realize that at the most exciting moment of my very new life, I was forced to sleep.
It explains why, when I feel upset or stressed out, I check out, or disappear. I learned it prenatally. The first time I felt myself disappear was a shock. I was engaged in a conversation and became a little aggitated. Next thing I knew, I was making a shopping list or telling a really bad joke. Not there anymore.
I learned from a friend that early trauma can affect the rest of your life. She encouraged me to consider learning more about it by studying Somatic Experiencing (SE™ ), a healing modality that focuses on developing resillience. After three years of study and a lot of inner work, my capacity to stay present began to increase and I could remain engaged in life.
I also found great solace working with others and discovering the potential that SE offers to those who wish to explore. This seems particularly poignent as one faces the end of life. What baggage can I let go of that prevents me from transitioning peacefully. Working together helps us both heal.
Writer
I found may way back to writing after a long period of disquiet. After years of sitting, and meditating, I discovered that it is possible to meditate with a pen in hand. I write a word, which becomes a sentence or a thought to be pondered and developed. There is no such thing as a bad word, just a word that is in transition from being one thing to another.
In the process, I become more clear and see where the inner bumps are. It is ok to read it and realize it doesn’t make sense and try it again. Now I delight again to write stories, articles, emails and mostly, poems.
Art, Music, and More
When I was young and unable to concentrate, I doodled… in the margins, on homework papers, gum wrappers…
This morphed into drawing which expanded into various forms of art. I have experimented with papercutting, alcohol ink, pressed flowers, knitting, zendoodles, photography and more. I find humor in an icicle turned upside down or a flower part greatly enlarged. I look for design in the accidental drip of marbling paper. I particularly like it when someone asks what the piece was before I played with it. It means I have successfully transformed what we all thought we knew into something new.
All the pictures on this website are mine. Enjoy.
Music
Wounded by an early piano teacher, and reinvented by a later one.
Chose to study an instrument in college (kinda late), found my way to Renaissance music and fell in love with it.
I love to play and create lines of melody;
Improvise on the piano
Find what touches the heart… what flows from the last note.
There is pleasure in playing with others, too. Playing through a piece that is complex and compelling… to reach the end in spent delight. Only to do it all over again. The excitement of this one shared moment that I could never do alone.
To sing with others and blend tones, building to a climax, and soften to let it rest.
To listen until it is clear what comes next and play again, listen and find again, what comes next.
Into the Quiet
Why am I here in this life? Who am I when I keep changing moment to moment? What is truth and how would I know it? Is there an authentic ‘me’ in here someplace.
These questions have driven me most of my life. I have been wandering through many esoteric teachings: Buber, Merton, Buddhism, and more. Meditation has played a big part of my search and that has changed over the years. Today, I am exploring how to keep the body and sensation as a teacher, to be mindful of the changes, and curious to see what is next. The body seems to know much more than I give it credit for, but it means becoming more sensitive to it. That has been the most recent area I place my attention.
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Curiosity
Today, I love to be curious.
Pull off the side of the road to check something out.
It is a quality of wonderment, that I felt as a child.
I am curious about others,
your process, your talents, your stuck places, your aspirations.
It is all worth looking at.
I have looked at many of my stuck places, which helps because your stuck places might feel a bit familiar and we can work on it together. Connections.
I have lost loved ones, switched careers (three times), retired, had children and watched them leave the nest. I have been married to a Deaf person for over 40 years and we have worked to combine two cultures into one house. All of it is an adventure. There is no good life or bad life, just Life. To be seen.